Yesterday, I had a complete mental breakdown. When I say mental breakdown, I mean I did not leave my dorm room until 7:30 pm. I had spent most of the day sleeping or crying. My head physically hurt and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, let alone study for my upcoming exams. Yesterday, I did not feel good enough or worthy enough for this life. However, today I got up and felt better. It was like my faith had been restored after going to church with friends. Now, church may not be your thing and that isn’t for me to judge, but worship makes me feel good. My point with this is that disability is hard, difficult, and messy. I wish people talked more about the raw and real side of disability. We cannot always be strong or productive or happy. It is okay to feel your emotions, they are valid, you are valid no matter what anyone tells you. Maybe today you’re having a rough time, it is okay to feel, to be weak, to be vulnerable. I think too often we base our achievements in life on money, jobs, and other materialistic things. Yes, you need basic necessities for life, but disability has made me grateful for the simplest things. I’m grateful for the fact that I get to see a perspective of this life that others miss out on. I am grateful to share my story and struggle with readers, I am grateful that I have something that makes me feel good. Maybe right now you can’t see greatness in disability struggles or just general life struggles. You might not be able to see a purpose. But you’re life deserves to be fought for. Find that thing that makes you feel alive. Wake up tomorrow and know that you are worth more than you can see. It’s okay to break for tonight, but tomorrow find your light.
Image credit: Author